I've spent the last six months of my life in a small volatile country called Afghanistan. I've missed Christmas with my family for the second year in a row and will possibly miss a third. I'll miss the 4th of July. I'll miss my brother's first high school football game even though he never missed a single one of mine. I'll be here for another six months and for six more months I'll continue to miss out on everything that's going on in the "world." I've seen the worst parts of human existence. I've seen the good bad and the esthetically unpleasing. I've experienced smells and sights that horror writers can barely begin speculate. I can't close my eyes without imagining the one person I long to see. The person who isn't there and probably won't ever be. I spend most of my day weary and confused. My mind is tired but my body goes on. Muscle memory takes control and I can't seem get a grasp and keep things going on around me. All I can do is sit and wait. Wait, until the flood gates close and maelstrom ceases. Love, hate, depression, rage...

All the cage doors are open in my mind and all I feel is numb.

I see "people" every day too worried about there pitiful piece of dirt to see the truth. Burning and shooting and killing in the name of an invisible man. A man lost in his own kingdom. the equation is simple... get this or die.

I see things in the hearts and eyes of the children. I see uninhibited malice. I see the future of a hell-bound messenger. I see nothing but blood and pain. Tears flow like a river as bellies go empty and the streams of chaos go marching on.

Why do the innocent burn? Why do the fields fill with blood? Why does the smoke of long lost times continue to smolder?

I look and I hate everything I see there. Everything I touch withers and dies. Bring the end and I will follow. Self improvement is the last pinochle of degradation.

I'm sitting here slowly losing my mind. The reflection isn't what it once was. Today I am reborn and set free from the ceaseless masturbation.

FINISH