I'm really missing my computer.  It died in November, and there's not been money to replace it.  Probably isn't worth getting the screen fixed because the tea that spilled on it a while back knocked out several of the keys... so fixing would probably be almost as expensive as just getting a new one.  I've been using my husband's laptop, but it's annoying.  Nothing is where I want it to be.  I don't want to download anything, and I can't remember most of the links I liked to visit, since they were all favorites.  I also don't really want to go hunting around on here, as I'm kind of concerned that I'll accidently stumble over his porn stash while our son is awake and paying attention.

Sometimes this reproduction stuff is for the birds.  I love my son, and I'm going to love the little pod I'm currently incubating, but, I miss so many things I can't have right now.  I'd love to curl up with a hot cup of coffee, spiked with a little amaretto, or schnapps and a good book.  Or a cool glass of Reissling and some sushi.  I'd love to have a little more energy to deal with T's breakdowns (not to mention the husband's breakdowns) and not feel like locking myself in a room and crying.  

I miss the nervousness and uncertainty of the first pregnancy.  Sometimes I would just sit still and focus on what was happening in my body.  You can take a few minutes to do that in an office job, you can't do that when you have a toddler who crawls on you, or pulls you around every time you stop.  Plus, this pregnancy is a lot like what I remember T's was like.  Which means not much of anything going on, and the doctors looking puzzled because my body doesn't act like they think it should.  I've already heard are you sure you're due date is right?  You're bigger then you should be."  Sigh.  They had the same problem with T.  I had so many ultrasounds with him because they had a hard time finding him.  He just wasn't where they thought he should be.   And, it looks like this baby is doing the same.  (Which makes me think it has more to do with my strange body, then anything with the babe... which makes sense anyway.)  

But all those things, everything being new and uncertain, I kind of miss them this time around.  I suppose I should be happy that everything is so uneventful, and I am.  It's not the uncertainty, but the first time, oh gods, this is amazing bit that I miss.  Or, maybe it's just that I'm not taking the time to be amazed by what is happening because there are so many more things/people taking my attention right now.  Maybe what I really need to do is take the time to be amazed by what is happening to me, to my body, and what the end result will be.  I mean, it's probably not everyone who asks to go again almost as soon as their newborn son is placed in their arms.