The reality of a soldier. There are people who seek to destroy everything that others have fought to create. There are people who seek to smite the wicked. The real question I ask myself is which am I? I am an American soldier I am a warrior and a member of a team I server the people of the United States And live the Army values I will always place the mission first I will never accept defeat I will never quit I never leave a fallen comrade  I am disciplined, physically and mentally tough Trained and profitiant in my warrior tasks and drills I will always mantain my arms, my equiptment, and my self I am an expert and a professional  I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy the enemies of the United States of America in close combat I am a gaurdian of freedom and the American way of life I am an American Soldier! This the creed by which I've sworn to live my life. But does that make me a monster? If most people understood what the creed really meant they would probably say yes. Senario: you on a mission in afghanistan and without warning you hit a roadside bomb. Everyone's alright but a little flustered. You're the gunner. You see come your way a car speeding towards you. The windows are tinted, the car is sparkling clean, and the back is weighted down. From your training you know that these are all indicators of a VBIED (vehicle born iprovised explosive device) and you begin to use escalation of force. You signal them to stop. You point your weapon at the car. You chamber a round. The car speeds up. Now you are placed with a choice. Warning shot are not authoized. It's shoot to kill from here. You do as you were trained and you unload into the car and it stops. You've done your job and fufilled the creed. You find out the driver was a mititary-age male from an anti-American village. In the passenger seat is his wife and the load weighing down the rear end were there seven children. There ages ranged from 3-10. You assesed based on what you were trained and you made the right call but that doesn't matter. They're no less dead. Your brothers comfort you and tell it's not your fault but you still want to vomit. Your plt sgt tells you that it's war and people die in war. You still can't sleep. It's the choices that we make that shape our lives and our perceptions of the world that mold our fate, but not for a soldier. Although that soldier perceived a threat he is still sitting Fort Levenworth for the rest of his natural born life. But that's our job to make the sacrifice, not of our lives but our very soul. After you take a man's life you're never the same. Something inside breaks and splinters. No matter what a soldier does he is wrong because that is also the sacrifice he makes. He stands by and is dicarded by those he protects. The American people have no concept of means to be a soldier they only go on sleeping and taking it all for granted. George Owell once said, "people sleep peacably in there beds at night because rough men are willing to do violance on their behalf." We are those rough men who fight, die, bleed, sweat, cry, hurt, and kill so that you may sleep in peace. Meanwhile I'll continue not sleeping, seeing the faces of those I'll never forget. They are the ghost which haunt my soul. They are the reality of a soldier. Dear Lord, Forgive me for the wrongs I have done and the wrongs I will do. Forgive me for the people I have killed and the people I will kill. Keep me from the gates of hell and save me from the depths of war. Amen